It was victory. Earth had won. The question was, what had Earth won?

President Bush had assembled a committee to meet with the representative of the Fifth Council of Planets. The Representative said they could call him Iago.

Iago was very stately looking and very green. He had something about the size of a loose leaf notebook that was probably a computer. He also had a very fine writing device that seemed able to write two sentences at once. Bush very much wanted to take the strange looking pen apart.

Ashcroft, Rice and Cheney sat at the table along with Bush. They watched Iago expectantly. They all wanted to know what they had won.

Iago cleared his throat and ventured to be the first to speak. "Well," Iago said. "You've won."

Bush blinked and tried to look presidential. Still, he had to ask, "Won what?"

"Why the war," Iago said. "You've successfully attacked the planet Chronon. The Fifth Council has authorized me to negotiate terms of surrender."

"Surrender" Bush laughed, "I think you may have made a mistake."

"And, of course, the part Earth will play in post war reconstruction." Iago continued.

"Wait! Wait a minute!" Cheney said, now a lot more excited than when he was simply looking at an alien from outer space. "You're expecting us to pay for that planet's reconstruction? No, no, no. We didn't attack you."

"I think you did," Iago said.

"I don't think so."

"Oh, I think it might be so," Iago said. "You see, your space probe entered the Chronon solar system and attacked their communications satellite. Either the space probe or the satellite -I'm not sure which one- had a self destruct button which malfunctioned and wiped out communications throughout the world and sent two thirds of the planet back to the stone age. We know it was your planet's probe, because DNA tests show that the builders of this device came from this planet."

"If you were attacking Chronon, you've won and you need to discuss post war reconstruction. If you simply launched a space probe with no idea where it might go or whom it might inconvenience - well, there are severe penalties for such reckless disregard for the rights of others." Iago's expression was in no way pleasant. Of course, there was the outside chance that aliens are really kidding when they glare at you accusingly. "So, which is it?" Iago asked. "An attack or gross negligence?"

The room was silent as the committee debated which answer would cost Earth more. They could hear Iago's pen beep as he checked off items on his inscrutable notebook.

"Oh, yes, another thing," Iago said. "Our records have you identified as the U.S.S.R.?"

"U.S.A." Rice said in a raspy voice. "We call ourselves the U.S.A."

"Ummm," Bush said hopefully. "We're not the U.S.S.R. That's another country."

"Well, did the U.S.S.R. send this probe?" Iago asked.

"I can't say what they did," Bush said.

"If this planet does not have a unified government, we can not hold one government accountable for what another did. However, we do intend to take the entire population of the U.S.S.R. and exact our laws upon them."

"They're gone," Bush said. "The U.S.S.R. doesn't exist anymore. They-uh well, they were destroyed."

"Really?" Iago exclaimed. "It seemed a little strange that an entire government had simply ceased to exist." He suspected subterfuge. "And who or what destroyed this government that has attacked and defeated a planet light years from here?"

"Ronald Reagan," Bush said. "He looked Iago straight in the eye as if daring the alien to challenge this remark."

"I see," Iago said. "And is this another nation? A person? Can I see this Ronald Reagan?"

"He's dead," Bush said. "He used to be the president but- uh- he's gone."

"So the people who attacked Chronon no longer exist and the man who defeated them no longer exists. That is an extremely convenient for a world who knows very little about planetary politics," Iago said. "One man destroyed a whole government. Hmmmm."

"Amazing, isn't it?" Bush said.

"Indeed," Iago said. "Apparently, I have missed meeting an extraordinary life form."

"I think it is a testimony to his greatness," Bush said, "that most people will never know how often or to what extent he has saved this planet."

The pen told Iago that this human was telling the truth. His communication device vibrated. "Oh Captain, My Captain!" his first mate called.

"Excuse me," Iago said to the humans. He spoke on his communicator briefly. Then he said to the humans, "All right, we have interrogated some of the whale population and they corroborate your story. They admit they were working with the U.S.S.R. to take over the world and this Reagan fellow thwarted their plans."

"So, what happens to the whales?" Rice asked.

"Depends on how well they cooperate," Iago said. "He got up to leave. Then he offered the pen to Bush and said, "Would you like this pen?"

Bush was embarrassed to play the part of the curious savage but he took the pen anyway.

Pragmatism supersedes ego, Iago thought. That was a very good attitude to have if you were the leader of a young planet. As Bush touched the pen it sent to Iago a flood of telepathic messages coming from the primitive human's brain. Two words stood out above any others: reverse engineering.

The humans sat at the table long after Iago left them. Finally Bush said, "I thought whales were capitalists."

"You're thinking of killer whales," Cheney said. "Blue whales and beluga are communists."

"Of course," Bush said. "Thank God they can't vote. Dolphins, on the other hand, may one day prove to be intelligent enough to qualify as American citizens and have the right to vote. As long as they are intelligent enough to know that communism can never work."

Everyone grunted in agreement.