“What IS that?” the tourist peered out of the dirty cab window, his nose pressing against the smudged glass.

“What’s what?” the driver paused in the middle of a rousing rendition of a Barbra Streisand tune and fixed his attention on his sole passenger.

“That…that…THING out there!”

The cab slowed as it passed a rather large, ugly camel. The animal paid them no attention as it continued to plod down the street. Mounted on the camel was an unusual figure; a muscled man in a spandex suit. He wore a pirate’s hat on his head, and grasped the camel’s reins with a hook rather than a hand. Where his shoes should have been there were a pair of bright orange webbed feet, much like a duck’s.

“Is this some sort of strange custom?” the tourist rummaged through his bags in search of a camera. “Or is that man just insane? He’s riding a camel in the street! Shouldn’t someone call the police? Are those WEBBED FEET?”

“Relax,” the driver let out a throaty chuckle and lit a cigarette. The stale smoke wafted through the small space. “That’s just Captain Aqua Spider.”

“Captain Aqua Spider? Who the hell is that?”

“He’s our superhero.”

“That strange looking man is a superhero?”

The driver laughed again and blew a puff of smoke into the rear view mirror. “He’s not really a man anymore. Some sort of genetic experiment gone horribly wrong, from what I hear. It happened a few years ago at the zoo.”

The tourist leaned forward on his ripped leather seat, his face nearly against the divider. “What happened?”

“Seems he was playing around with spiders and radioactivity, trying to turn himself into spider man. It happens a lot more than you’d think, actually. Anyway, he zapped himself pretty good and got bit by the spider, but then he was so exhausted by the experience that he fell into the duck pond. A barracuda bit his hand off and the radiation seeped into the water. When they pulled him out, he had duck-feet.”

“That’s absolutely horrible,” the tourist leaned back, a look of distaste on his face. “He’s survived this long. After an accident like that you’ve really got no choice but to become a superhero. There are not many other places for radioactive mutants to fit in.”

“Does he have any special skills?”

The driver scratched his head and took another puff on his cigarette. “Well I suppose he does. He can talk to fish.”

“He can talk to fish? That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

The tourist laughed. “Well that’s not very helpful, is it?”

“Everyone has their purpose.”

He turned and looked out the smeary back window at the strange figure of the man on the camel, slowly receding into the distance. “He’s no Superman, that’s for sure. I’m from Metropolis, and let me tell you, that guy can sure put on a show. Your Captain Water Tarantula or whatever can’t even compare.”

“Aqua Spider,” the driver corrected absently.

“I’m not even sure this qualifies as a city. You shouldn’t even have a superhero.”

“To each his own.”

“I mean really, how big is this place? Like three square miles?”

“If my city is so offensive to you, why the hell are you visiting it?” the driver stubbed his cigarette out on the dash board, a small hole etching into the brown material.

“I wanted a vacation from superheroes,” the tourist sighed, his head leaning against the window. Underneath the baseball cap, a bit of bald scalp poked out.

“I doubt Captain Aqua Spider will trouble you too much. He’s not showy like your Superman. Most of his deeds are done so quietly that no one even realizes what’s happened.” The tourist cocked his head to the side as a familiar sight began to loom up in front of the windshield. “Why is that camel ahead of us again? Did you just drive in a circle? Why are you slowing down?”

The driver pulled his wheezing cab to a stop next to the camel. From underneath his large pirate’s hat, Captain Aqua Spider peered down.

“I believe this is your stop, Mr. Luther,” the driver lit another cigarette.

Lex Luther’s eyes widened and he sat up rigidly in his seat. “Excuse me?”

Captain Aqua Spider reached down from the camel and swung open the taxi door. He snagged Luther with his hook. With one swing of a muscular arm, he flung the man into a nearby lake.

The icy water closed over his head, and he struggled towards the surface, sputtering. Captain Aqua Spider stood on the sandy bank, speaking into the water. Luther felt something nip his ankle. Then another bite on his wrist. Something slithered against his back.

“I think you’ll find that the ability to talk to fish is quite useful, sometimes.” Captain Aqua Spider smiled benignly from underneath his large hat.