"Oh Great and Glorious Queen!" proclaimed the scout. "After an endless procession of grueling days and fierce deprivation, I have returned from my quest!" His personal chorus - some of them were still trailing into the great hall behind him - cheered and danced in exaltation. "I, your most humble and devoted subject, have selected a representative of the master tribe of the new planet." His chorus let out a collective gasp, then cheered again.

"Day and night I wandered. Day and night I searched. I was assaulted by winds, tormented by heat, frozen by cold. Yet still I continued, knowing that nothing less than the true master tribe could serve as our allies.

"I discerned immediately upon my arrival that there existed on this planet Earth - yes, Wise One, that is its name - creatures that nearly covered its surface, with tribes beyond counting. Truly, some might say, they must dominate. Beyond their great number, they all possessed the most beautiful and suitable symmetry of three body parts and six legs!" The chorus shrieked in joy. One-third drummed on their heads, one-third their thoraxes, and one-third their abdomens.

"But there was no need to study them further, because, to my horror, I saw that they also had... they also had..." he cast a sidelong glance at his chorus, "they also had wings!" The chorus shuddered and wailed. Several cried, "Abomination!" and one moaned, "Blasphemy!"

"And so, Most Splendid Queen, with great stealth and cunning I resumed my search. I discovered many strange and wondrous creatures. It occurred to me that, instead of searching for a tribe that shared our magnificent beauty, I should instead find our new ally among those who share our weakness. For would they not be like our sisters? His chorus cried loudly that yes, yes they would.

"I decided, therefore, to carefully observe a tribe of creatures that breathe air, but must... but must... but must keep their skin moist to survive!" His chorus splashed and hooted.

"But, alas, their brains were deficient. Also, their tongues were attached backwards." He dismissed any possibility of alliance with a twitch and a wave of one leg.

"Dear Ruler Extraordinaire, I soon chanced upon a tribe most impressive." His chorus began clicking their pinchers in a steady rhythm. "They are bipedal, with linguistic skills nearly equal to our own. Their bridges span great waterways, and their ships of discovery already reach neighboring planets. Although they have but two eyes, they create works of art that stop one of my hearts. And their music! Truly, Queen of Queens, their music is fit to grace your own nesting chamber."

At his signal, the chorus's clicking began to quicken and swell. He began to pace, skittering in tighter and tighter circles.

"They are civilized. They have industry. They honor the dead. They cherish the young. They look toward the future with bright, shining eyes, not with dread but with eagerness, knowing that they hold within themselves that which will make them prevail! I saw all this and rejoiced, for I was sure I had found the master tribe of Earth!"

The clicking rose to a roar. The scout silenced it with one sweep of a leg, then spun to face the queen.

"But I had not! With my keen insight, I realized that these bipeds were not the object of my quest. No! Indeed, they are but servants of another tribe. These other creatures rule over the bipeds; often four or more bipeds serve just one, living inside its home with it. Indeed, this mastery is particularly evident in the most civilized pockets of the bipeds. The bipeds will care for their master, keeping house for it, pampering it, grooming it, feeding it, even serving as fitness specialists for outdoor exercise routines. I saw no signs of rebellion of even dissatisfaction. In truth, the bipeds have willingly, happily given themselves and their offspring into servitude." His chorus murmured among themselves in wonder.

The scout raised four legs triumphantly. "So now, Mother of Us All, I give you... I give you... the official representative of the planet Earth!"

Bejeweled doors burst open to a fanfare from the chorus. A golden retriever bounded into the hall, tongue lolling from the side of its mouth, its tail wagging in fat, happy circles. One-third of the chorus swooned, one-third clattered their pinchers, and one-third reached out toward the dog as it pranced by. It stopped and sat at the side of the scout, who without thought reached down and scratched it behind the ears. The dog closed its eyes and thumped its tail against the floor.

"Even better, Highness, this is no mere commoner. It is a ruler of its own kind, and a benevolent ruler at that. I know this because its servants referred to it not just as 'King' but as 'Good King.'"

With a pneumatic hiss, the queen spoke, her voice cracked and brittle with age. "Welcome, friend. We rejoice in the opportunity for new alliances. You may approach us."

The dog tilted its head to one side.

"Approach. Draw near."

The dog whined and shifted its weight.

The queen glanced at the scout, who was busily looking elsewhere. She turned back to the dog.

"Come," she said.

The dog trotted forward. It settled back on its haunches before her.

The queen continued, "We would like to begin trade negotiations with you. But we warn you; your pretenses do not fool us. So, let us begin again." She paused for a moment, inhaled deeply, then said, "May your offspring shine like the light of a thousand suns, Friend."

The dog hunched its shoulders and lowered its head, wolf-like. Its tail stiffened. "May your eggs hatch at the height of spring, Friend," it said in return. "We agree that cooperative trade will benefit all involved. I shall begin with a list of our demands."