[subspace memo translation]
To: HH Fon Pang, Galactic Church of Godmesh 4895
From: Rifod Tred, Missionary Expedition 327483478
Date: 10.31.Year_Of_Our_Lord:1999
Subject: Unusual Circumstance Update (Protocol IXO90)
Your Holiness, I am at site Sol 3. My landing was successfully unobtrusive. Initial contact and information gathering of the natives started out well. I did not need to wear a disguise, as the location appeared to be multi-species (from other planets we don’t know about?) and I was not questioned of my race. There is, however, a dominance of pale bipedal beings in outlandish clothing which I believe are the indigenous race.
I was not able to get any consistent data about current religious practices. It was night, and yet the inhabitants seemed to be busy mulling about. I began to wonder if it was more than the usual business of working and shopping.
Right when a pattern of their actions started to become clear in my mind, I was accosted by a gang of Dydosites. I know what you’re thinking. There hasn’t been a recorded and verified case of any Hell-spawned parasites in over a century. But I swear they looked exactly like the ones I’ve seen in the holopics; of course in this case they had possessed some of the indigenous species of the planet.
As per proper procedure, I neutralized them with my standard issue Dydosite Neutralizer. More Dydosites started appearing out of the shadows and it was all I could do to escape their wrath. Then various angry figures of the indigenous species attempted to restrain me.
In the confusion, with all these Dydosites running around, I started spaying them all with Dydosite Neutralizing Gas. I was not able to bring back any specimens. Thank Godmesh I was not injured in the chaos or during my sprint back to the ship.
I think we’d better skip this planet, especially as I seem to have accidentally started a bit of a conflict. Besides, although they are of relatively high intelligence, these entities are much too fragile for the Church’s practices. For instance, it turns out that Dydosite Neutralization Gas does not merely render them unconscious--it kills them.
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