The last thing I remember is the gunshot. Didn’t see
it coming and certainly didn’t expect it. Who does,
really? I can go on the record and say it was loud
and exploded my chest. But I don’t know if I’m dead
or alive because I’m aware and I’m thinking and I’m
surrounded by blackness.
I’m wriggling around and I can feel soft, squishy
walls on either side of me. I can’t feel my fingers
or toes. Hunger pangs wrack my body. Why can’t I see
anything?
Warm water washes over my body and it relaxes me
enough to slip out of position. It feels like I’m
sliding down a slow water slide. I’m definitely in a
tube of some sort and I keep bouncing off the walls.
I go around a bend pretty fast and slide to a stop.
My skin starts to sting and itch, but I can’t scratch
since I can’t feel my hands. I force my mind to think
about my life before the shooting.
I didn’t think she had it in her. When she picked up
that gun, I really didn’t think she’d pull the
trigger. I guess Cheryl was the last straw. She was
so hot. Oooh, I’m feeling all squidgy. That woman,
those boobs, that ass, those lips. Hillary ruined it
all.
Wait a minute. Maybe she killed me. Maybe I’m being
born again! A second chance. God, wouldn’t that be
fabulous. Being president was fun, but next time
around, if that’s what this is, I’m going to be an
actor. They get all the girls and no one cares.
Another warm bath. This itchiness is insane. I have
to concentrate. Where are my fingers. Damn it, where
are they! This black hole better have a light at the
end of it. This is getting ridiculous.
The tube walls are closing on me. Oh shit. My body
feels increasing pressure on all sides. I feel like
I’m on the rack, my body is stretching farther and
farther….I’m pulling apart…oh God let me have a fun,
unobstructed life this time around…please….
My hopes high, I burst out of the darkness into
blistering bright white and as I twist and roll, I
catch a glimpse of my own body as I splash down into a
smelly brown watery bowl.
I try to scream, but I can’t as I have no vocal cords.
I’m a tapeworm! Aaaaagghhh!
A voice gurgles down to me as I sink below the
stinking mass and wonder for the last time why I
deserve this.
“That’s definitely the helminth that has infected your
system, Mrs. Clinton, and as long as you continue the
diet I prescribed, the few remaining remnants should
clear out of your alimentary canal in a matter of
days, then your life will return to normal.”
x x x
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