And to all a good night

by Gary A. Markette © 2002

"On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prance . . ."

"O.K., hold it right there, fellah."

"Excuse me?"

"Charlie, you wanna get the cutters over here?"

"What . . . what are you doing?"

"Just keep out of the way, chubby, and you won't get hurt. That's right, cut the reins.

Now, chase them away . . ."

"You're chasing away my reindeer?"

"Setting them free, pal. Shoo 'em offa here, Charlie . . . I don't care they don't wanna go . . . Well, how should I know? Flap your arms or somethin'."

"You can't do this . . ."

"Gotta court order right here, guy. Says that one Kris Kringle . . . that's you . . . is and has been in violation of California's animal custody act."

"But I just landed here . . ."

"Yeah, and you've been landing here for the past who knows how long. Oughta be ashamed of yourself, enslaving harmless reindeer . . ."

"Enslaving? I didn't enslave . . ."

"What would you call tieing eight tiny reindeer to a sleigh this size?" "It's a miniature sleigh . . ." "And that bag? Is that 'miniature' too? Must weigh a thousand pounds."

"It's big because . . ."

"Used a whip too, dincha? Buddy, when the ACLU gets through with you--not to mention the ASPCA and the PETA people . . ."

"What are you doing with the bag?"

"Evidence, pal."

"You can't take my bag! How will I spread good cheer without my bag?"

"Don't worry, Kris. By the time you get outta jail . . ."


"Hey, we gotcha on the animal thing. We also got you on breaking and entering, flying without a license, smuggling contraband, grand theft . . ."

"Contraband? Theft?"

"You call 'em toys, I call 'em contraband. Let a jury sort it out--but hey, most of 'em are made in China, ain't they?"

"But theft?"

"Yeah, that's a stretch, but all them milk and cookies at all them houses, I figure that adds up to grand theft. Anyway, it gives us something to plea bargain with. All the reindeer gone, Charlie? The one with the funny nose too? O. K. Let's go. You have the right to remain silent . . "

x x x

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