The noisy little pub reminded me of a place I used to visit back in the Solar System.
Of course there were fewer humans out here at the edge of the galaxy, but with the jukebox
playing one of my favorite tunes and a mug of creamy porter in my hand, I could close my eyes
and almost feel at home. All things considered, I figured there were worse places for an out of
work bodyguard to get stuck waiting for a hookup.
The pub was full of smoke--it seems just about every species likes to smoke something or
another, and the patrons of this joint tended to be heavier smokers than most. Heavier drinkers
too, I noted, observing a nearby Sniklrath clinging shakily to her stool with all six of her long
blue tentacles. There were already seven or eight empty shot glasses in front of her and, while
I watched, she drained another one, swallowed hard and rapped the glass on the counter.
She looked over and winked three of her eyes at me, so I acknowledged her with a nod
and signaled the bartender that I’d like another drink myself.
"Finished the last one pretty quick, didn’t you?" He asked me. He was a Klognot--a
bipedal reptile--and his English was superb, but he seemed to have bought into the stereotype
about humans being lightweights.
"Trying to cut me off already?" I asked.
"Oh no, Billy," he answered smiling, "we don’t do that here." (Billy is what they call
every human male unless they know you. If I were a girl I’d have been Betty.)
"You can call me Jason," I said, "and I’ll take another porter."
"You sure about that? I could mix you a drink I bet you’d love."
"No thanks," I said irritated. "Beer’s fine."
"All right, but I really think you’d like it."
I shot him an angry glance, but he was already turning to get my drink. Boy! What did
it take to get a couple of brews in this place?
Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see who it was. "Hi, stranger," said
a beautiful pair of green lips just a few inches from my face. "You waitin’ for somebody?"
I had to lean back a little for my eyes to focus, but when they did I saw that the face
matched the lips pretty well. She was a punky red-head in her early twenties with heavy eye
make-up and short, ratty hair. Her breath smelled faintly of spiced liquor, but I guessed from
her wide, bright eyes that she hadn’t drunk much tonight.
"Hello," I heard myself respond a little dazed, "I--uh--are you Maureen?"
"That’s me," she said, taking the stool next to mine. Then she continued, addressing the
bartender who had just come back with my beer. "I’ll take a rum and coke."
"Comin’ right up."
"If I’m Maureen then you must be Jason," she said as the bartender turned away.
I nodded and said, "Sorry, you caught me off guard there. I was expecting someone a
little more. . ." my voice trailed off as I gazed into her huge green eyes.
"A little more alien?" She offered.
"Well frankly yes," I said.
"I get that a lot," she conceded. "Ever since I had the transmutation done no one ever
recognizes me. But then that is the point of a transmutation."
I nodded my agreement, recalling from her dossier that she had changed her identity to
evade her ex-husband’s hired assassins. I guess I just hadn’t expected her to go human.
Just then the bartender came back with her drink. "You wanna start a tab, Betty?"
She answered him with a three dollar bill and said, "Keep the change."
He thanked her and turned to me. "Say, Billy," he started, apparently forgetting my
name, "here’s a little something from the Snikl at the end of the bar." He nodded toward the
blue-tentacled lush I had been watching a minute earlier and plinked down a tiny black bottle
with a long neck. The bottle made a clunk when it hit the bar as if it weighed a ton and when
I tried to lift it, it wouldn’t budge!
"That’s what we call a ‘black hole,’" the bartender chuckled. "It’s a house specialty."
I glanced down toward the Sniklrath who had climbed onto the bar and was now weaving her
way toward me.
"I don’t get it," Maureen said, obviously confused by the bizarre joke these two seemed
to be playing on me. I was a little confused myself.
The Sniklrath sidled up to me wrapping a long blue tentacle around the back of my neck
while picking up the bottle with another. Either this was some kind of amazing magic trick or
she was one strong Sniklrath! (I discovered later that all Snicklraths are strong.) She made a
motion as if to bring the drink to my lips, but changed direction at the last minute extending
her tentacle over my right shoulder toward Maureen.
The young woman’s eyes went wide, her head jerked forward and for a moment it looked as
if she was going to swallow the whole bottle, but instead the bottle swallowed her. Just like
that she was gone and that was the last I ever saw of those big green eyes.
You can imagine that I was pretty terrified right then, but before I had a chance to
wonder if I was next, my tentacled assailant set the bottle down and kissed me. (I found out
later this was a traditional greeting not a come-on.)
"Jashone, Shleezle shnikka--Mowreeen," she said in a low, feminine voice.
I’m sure my face was whiter than a Kralean pina colada when I glanced fearfully at the
bartender and asked him to translate.
"She said, ‘Greetings, Jason. My name is Maureen.’"
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